


NOT TO BE

by CrimsonEmbrace



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:35:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonEmbrace/pseuds/CrimsonEmbrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SOMETIMES LOVE ISN'T ENOUGH</p>
            </blockquote>





	NOT TO BE

**Author's Note:**

> WROTE IN 2013

**NOT TO BE**  
  
He almost felt like he was stalking him. A slight blush rose to his cheeks at the thought. Kakashi glanced around, although it was not like anyone would notice beneath his mask, even if someone had been present. Besides, this wasn’t like that... not at all. Was it? Kakashi frowned as he had to admit to himself that was what they would call this obsessive behavior, but he couldn’t stop. He had to see Gaara, no matter what it seemed like to others.  
  
When the Sand council found out about their relationship, it was supposed to be swept under the rug and they were not to ‘associate’ any more. Gaara was soon to marry into a political union with another village, and Kakashi was ordered by Lady Tsunade to stay away from him. She understood Kakashi’s feelings, and even sympathized, but could not have the Leaf and Sand village’s alliance destroyed over this.  
  
Gaara was only here briefly for a meeting with Lady Tsunade, he had to return to Suna in the morning. It was dusk now; Kakashi’s chance was slipping away. His eyes grew heavy and he blinked, using the sharingan was a bit of a strain. He tried to focus his bleary eyes. He hadn’t slept much in the past week, Gaara’s eyes haunted him... he’d see those eyes looking at another with that pure love. He knew never again would he see Gaara’s eyes full of love for him. There was no telling when they’d come out and Kakashi wasn’t going to miss them. This could be his only chance, his last opportunity to talk to him... to touch him.  
  
The moment Gaara walked from the administration building he knew, he could feel him... they had some kind of connection, a strong bond. It would probably always be there, lurking quietly in the depths of his heart. Gaara touched Shino’s sleeve, and the dark-haired nin knew... he could feel Gaara’s old lover in the darkness. Shino gave a slight nod, accepting Gaara’s decision to go to Kakashi in spite of his orders to remain as an escort. Gaara slipped into the darkness and Kakashi fell into step with him.  
  
“Why did you come?” Gaara’s low ethereal voice sent a surge of something through him, whether longing or dread, he wasn’t sure. “I had to.” Kakashi replied just as softly. Gaara acknowledged this. “I will come to your apartment later...” Kakashi nodded and watched as the kazekage returned to Shino’s side before leaving.  
  
Back in his apartment Kakashi waited. He knew the councils would consider his behavior wrong, everything he’d done… everything he *felt* was wrong, but it didn’t stop or change anything. So he needed this, this last brief moment. He'd barely slept waiting for this chance, and exhaustion was catching up with him. It was becoming harder and harder to resist the draw to close his eyes for just a minute. The sudden knock on the apartment door startled Kakashi and he realized that was an ominous sign, he hadn’t realized his eyes had slipped closed. Exhaustion had left him vulnerable... but that didn’t matter; all that mattered right now was the man standing at his door. Kakashi opened the door. “You came.”  
  
Gaara didn’t answer; his enigmatic gaze the same as all the times they’d seen each other in public and yet the moment the door closed, Gaara grasped Kakashi firmly drawing him into a deep passionate kiss. When he broke the kiss Gaara whispered, “It won’t be forever.” Kakashi nodded, but he knew it was a lie. The man would never return to him. He would marry... he had a new life now, and Kakashi didn’t have a place in it. The silver haired nin was ashamed for the surge of jealousy he felt; this was what was best for Gaara. There was no future in staying with him, fighting the council and Gaara would only come to resent it in time… resent him. No, this was how it had to be.  
  
Their passion was fevered; urgent pawing at each other’s bodies, moaning softly, little cries of need and desire, while neither gave thought to tomorrow. They made passionate love, and tried to pretend nothing would change, finally falling asleep exhausted in each other’s arms.  
  
Kakashi woke and for a moment he couldn’t make himself look away from Gaara’s peaceful face. He slipped up to sit against the headboard beside his lover. As the sky lightened with the approaching dawn, Kakashi sat there knowing Gaara would leave, and he’d have to go on without him... would Gaara have just left if Kakashi hadn’t come to see him last night, waited for him? Would he be disappointed to see him awake... waiting for him to open his eyes? In the end it didn’t matter, he had needed to see Gaara, touch him one last time before he was gone.  
  
Kakashi watched the sun rise; it brought him no peace, only soul-deep weariness. All they’d done, all they’d had was for nothing... what he desired could not be, his life stretched out before him and for the first time since the day he’d met Gaara, Kakashi felt true despair. He slipped from the bed and wandered over to look in the mirror, did he look as worn out as he felt? Would Gaara see the hopelessness in his gaze? Kakashi tried to be strong and put on an accepting, peaceful face with little success... his eyes met Gaara’s in the mirror.  
  
The man he loved so deeply that life held no meaning without him… his beloved had woken, and Kakashi could see it in his face. Gaara knew. The fact he knew didn’t make it any easier, Kakashi turned and met a sorrow-darkened gaze, knowing his was the same. Kakashi knew Gaara understood what he had been thinking, and so could not deny it. Kakashi wanted so badly to say ‘don’t go’, but Gaara didn’t have a choice. Begging would be futile and only serve to hurt them both.  
  
One last brief moment of happiness as they kissed, they tried to tell each other with a touch of their lips what the other already knew. Their love couldn’t be. This moment was all they could have. Kakashi watched Gaara dress and leave the room. He knew it had been wrong... but right or wrong he had needed that last brief contact. Fair or unfair, he’d needed the hope of that last touch, the lie that this tragedy would end and they could be together once more. But it wouldn't, and his heart would never be able to let go to this love that wasn’t meant to be.  
  
END


End file.
